Gender reveal time!

Carrie Ramoz
Carrie Ramoz

Watching my family and friends try to share my surrogacy excitement. “I’m home!” I announced breathlessly. Aaron, my husband, was at the kitchen table immersed in his cell phone.

He said hello and continued scrolling. My grin began to fade after a few seconds.

Come on, come on, ask me!


He knew I’d had the gender-revealing ultrasound this morning. Yet he wasn’t asking me anything about it.

Hey, I’m really excited over here! Be part of it! Or at least ask!


Interrupting his browsing, I announce, “Well, it’s a girl” and huff off to the bedroom. I realize this shows the maturity of a 5 year old, but it’s the best I can manage.


Aaron followed me and a tense conversation ensued. He doesn’t understand my frustration at him not asking about the gender. And I couldn’t fathom that he didn’t understand my excitement for the 20-week ultrasound, even though this isn’t my baby.





Milestones like this in a surrogacy pregnancy present interesting situations. It is hard to find people who understand the emotions I go through as a surrogate, and I totally get that. It’s hard to empathize with any situation if you’re not directly involved. As the surrogate, I am thrilled to know the gender of the baby growing inside me and am over the moon for my Swedish intended parents. I really can’t blame my husband for not being 100% attentive in this situation. It’s not his daughter. I’ll tell my parents the gender, but it won’t be super exciting for them either; it’s not their grandchild. My friends will be more excited, but even they are still learning how to react to my surrogacy conversations and updates.

I need to channel my excitement and frustrations into something positive. 



Hopping into my car, I’m off to BabyGap. This is not where I typically buy baby clothes but today is different. I plan to mail my intended parents in Stockholm a box of baby girl outfits, the ultrasound photos, baby books in Swedish (hard to find, even on Amazon!) and an “It’s a girl” card. This will be their gender reveal and I want it to be perfect. I know Anders and Johan are the two people in the world who will be as thrilled as I am!

Thinking of their reaction to the gender reveal is exciting. I wish I could witness it! I imagine how their parents, siblings and friends will react. Sven, my sweet little surrobabe, will have so many people excited to hear that it’s a girl! They will begin planning her room, her clothing, her name, her future, her everything! She definitely has a fan club in Oregon, but it’s nothing compared to the loving arms waiting for her in Sweden.


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