Surrogacy Blog Part 1: The experience of an Oregon surrogate

We are pleased to introduce a new blog seriesthat chronicles a NWSC surrogate and her entire journey with NWSC, pregnancy, life and her intended parents! She delivered a wonderful baby girl in autumn 2014 and is excited to share the highs, the lows and lots of the unexpected with you. Please note, identifying details have been changed.

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A welcome feeling of relief washed over me as I crossed the finish line. One more race in the books!  I gratefully slowed my pace for a cool-down walk around the park when I spied my friend Lacey in line at the post-race beverage tent.  Lacey and I aren’t close – we’ve never hung out just the two of us – but we’re part of same social group and our husbands play basketball together. I trotted over to her and we gave sweaty hugs while exchanging “how was your run?” questions. Maneuvering through the crowds, we snagged a cool, shady spot to stretch and recover from the race.

“Bottoms up,” she said wryly. “Still not pregnant so I’ll enjoy this while I can.”

She and I had never discussed babies or family planning so I treaded lightly. “Oh? Are you guys thinking about babies?”

I learned a lot about Lacey in the shade that day. She and her husband had been married almost 3 years and had suffered 2 miscarriages early on, and had since been unable to even get pregnant. They’d spoken to a fertility specialist and were now investigating IVF treatments. If that didn’t work, she said, they might consider a surrogate but it could be cost-prohibitive. Her longing, anger and frustration were evident. This is what a woman’s body is meant to do, she said. It’s supposed to make babies! And she couldn’t do it. What could I say? I’d had one miscarriage but then immediately proceeded to have a quick and easy pregnancy with my son, who is 3. Ugh, I am awful. Never once had I considered how it would feel to not be able to have a successful pregnancy. Ignorance had been bliss, because now I felt horrible. I will never talk about the ease of my pregnancy again. Never.

Our conversation played through my mind all evening and thanks to trusty Google, the terms IVF and surrogacy were no longer strangers to me. Then Google began following me around the internet and ads for surrogacy agencies started to appear. Surprise! Suddenly, there was an ad with a chubby, dark haired, smiling baby laying on brightly colored balls with the caption “Help a family have a baby and earn money for yours.” Wow. Really? Man, that’s a cute baby. Poor Lacey. How much compensation do surrogates receive? Double click.

Hours passed as I immersed myself in the NW Surrogacy Center website. Intended parents, gestational carriers, Oregon surrogacy laws, surrogacy compensation, gay families, straight families – so fascinating. People really do this? Then came the testimonials from their past intended parents and surrogates. They were heart-wrenching but beautiful and full of joy and hope. Why am I crying? These families! All they want is a baby, more than anything in the world. I need tissues.

Hmmm. I could do this. Really? These families need help and I could be the one to help them. It’s not like I’m using my uterus right now. And the money would be nice. I am buying a house and this could fund the new paint, flooring, landscaping and furniture it will need. IKEA!!!

There must be a downside or everyone would do it. I wanted to understand the pros and the cons. Searches for terms like “why not to do surrogacy” and “surrogacy issues” turned up very few results, and most applied to surrogates in India, not Oregon, or were pages advocating fostering and adoption.

I filled out the online form for NWSC. It was basic — asking about past pregnancies, health, employment, my family and my hobbies. Submit it before you lose your nerve. Do it!

Wow. I could have a baby for someone. A BABY! Life presents some amazing opportunities. When I woke up in the morning, I wasn’t even familiar with the concept. Well, cheers to myself! I might be pregnant in a few months. Where are my tissues?

SUBMIT!