Surrogacy Blog Part 5: Meeting the Intended Parents and Coffee Mishaps

Are you kidding me! NOOOOOO!!!!!! It had taken me hours to choose the perfect “meet your potential intended parents” outfit and now hot coffee was streaked down my shirt.

I totally missed my mouth – no bump in the road, no deer to swerve around, no cool story to tell. Just pure clumsiness. I can’t believe this. Oh, how I wished the 85 cents I’d spent on it at the Mt. Hood gas station was still in my purse!

I mentally charted the rest of my route to Portland. At my current pace, I would be near the surrogacy center 30 minutes early. I prayed Lloyd Center would have a store I could get in and out of fast because there was no way I was meeting the Swedes with a huge coffee stain on my chest.

Luckily, I managed to find a new shirt at the mall. It wasn’t the greatest, but it was stain-free which made it a winner!

After I arrived at the surrogacy center just in time, Sandy ushered me into her office and she told me more about Johan and Anders. She asked what was the biggest thing on my mind regarding the meeting.

“I’m trying to put myself in their shoes. They’ve traveled around the world to meet me and to decide if they trust me enough to carry their baby for 9 months. That’s a big leap of faith and I want them to know they can trust me… but it must be so stressful for them.”

Sandy smiled. “You should tell them exactly that. I’m sure they would really appreciate knowing you’re thinking of them in that manner.”

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We moved to the conference room and I waited while she brought Johan and Anders in. I stood to shake their hands as they entered. Keep their names straight! My hands were jittery. Caffeine or nerves? Do I smell like sweat and coffee? 

They looked just like their photos – thank goodness – and were very warm, welcoming, open and honestly curious to get to know me as a whole person. They’d even brought a small stuffed reindeer for me to take home to my son. These guys! Can I adore two people I’ve just met? Because I think I might. 

The conversation flowed better than I’d expected. Sandy acted as a mediator at first, asking us questions and encouraging us to expand upon our answers. As the meeting went on, it became the guys and I talking directly and Sandy took on an observer role.

The conversation was wide-ranging. Since Johan had a biological son already, the new baby would use Anders’ genetic material and an egg donor. I welcomed this news; Anders was not as tall as Johan so hopefully the baby would be on the smaller side, too. We discussed my pregnancy and labor with Tad, relationship and communication expectations, hobbies, work, family relationships, parenting, eating habits and asked countless questions to one another. Were they ok with me having an epidural? Thankfully, yes! Would I pump after the birth? What did our families think of this?

The only awkward part of the meeting was at the end. The guys stayed to talk further with Sandy – about me? – and as I left I wasn’t sure what to do. We’d just had this amazing conversation and I felt we really connected. I might have their baby! But we were still strangers. Do I hug them goodbye? Shake hands? Thankfully, they looked unsure, too. Whew. I played it safe – we shook.

“What do you think? Would you like to work with them if it’s a mutual agreement?” Sandy asked as she walked me out.

I wanted to jump around, hug her and holler about what a great job she’d done matching us. All of Portland should know how excited I was!

“Absolutely,” was the only thing I could trust myself to say.