Surrogacy Blog Part 6: Whew! The surrogacy screening process.

“Please be aware that these questions are worded so we’ll know if you’re trying to make yourself sound good and will help us identify any inconsistencies.”

That was one of the last things the psychiatrist told me as I began the written personality test of my surrogacy psychological evaluation. The agency has every potential surrogate go through this process to make sure she’s prepared mentally and emotionally for the journey ahead.

Her words echoed in my head as I began answering the survey. I chewed my lip as I gripped the pencil tighter. This is an honest answer, but do I sound like I’m trying to make myself sound good? Agh!

Second guessing answers about myself would get me nowhere but I couldn’t help it. Even on the easy ones like “I feel happy most of the time” and “Sometimes sad movies make me cry” I began to doubt my responses. Thankfully, the hilarity of some of the questions distracted me and I actually laughed out loud at two of them. Ahhh, stop! She’ll think I’m nuts if she hears me laughing out here by myself!

After the written eval, the psychiatrist and I chatted about myself, my life, career, relationships, family, why I wanted to do surrogacy and about my expectations. The conversation was casual yet very thoughtful and thorough. Her office was full of brochures and books directed at women who could not conceive or carry their own child. I pointed this out to the psychiatrist and told her “THIS is why I want to help. I cannot imagine life without my son. Every family should have this chance.”

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Each aspect of the surrogate screening process was intriguing and brought me as much self-questioning as the psych eval. For the lab screening, the amount of the blood they drew was almost as dizzying as the amount of diseases they were testing me for. So many vials of blood. What are they hoping to find? Luckily, the phlebotomist was a family friend. I told him about the surrogacy, the Swedes and having a baby for them.

“Good for you! If I had a uterus, I would do the exact same thing. You are blessing them in ways you can’t even imagine,” he told me. I smiled. Whew. That was the best reaction I could hope for when telling someone my plans of carrying a baby for someone else.

The next step of screening was the home visit by a social worker to make sure I lived in a safe, healthy  environment. I’d scrubbed the house top to bottom and it was even cleaner than when I prepare for my mom to visit, but I was still nervous. I toured her around; she was casual and friendly but had an eye for details. What is she looking for?!?! I don’t have anything to hide… do I? No, of course not. But still…

We chatted and sipped tea in my living room as she observed me interacting with Tad. He was initially bashful toward her questions but did the best his 3-year old vocabulary would allow him. They talked about swimming, preschool, soccer and Spiderman. I was thankful she never actually mentioned babies in front of him, as I had not yet told him about the surrogacy… I hadn’t even told my parents yet. Mental note, need to do that soon.

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The results of these screening were never released to me, but knew I’d passed when Heidi at the surrogacy agency put me in contact with a lawyer to represent me throughout the legal aspects of the process. We were on our way to finalizing my contract with the Swedes and this was REALLY, ACTUALLY HAPPENING.